Glenn Beck has booked a speaking appearance in Alaska with Sarah Palin on the anniversary of the 9/11 attacks, and pundits are predicting that the two will formally announce their combined candidacy for President and Vice President. Liberals cheered the coming announcement, because it will mean Beck will have to abandon his TV show during the campaign.
Another oil rig explosion occurred in the Gulf of Mexico, approximately 80 miles off the Louisiana coast. The Obama administration quickly announced that they were dispatching resources to the Gulf to help with controlling the fire and any oil leaking from the rig. Republican leadership in the House of Representatives said that they have a plan to fix the problem by cutting taxes.
In sports, Andy Roddick was eliminated from the U.S. Open in the second round by a Russian phenom standing only 5' 9" tall; on the women's side, it was determined they would save everyone a lot of time by simply taking an excessive number of pictures of Maria Sharapova, then letting the Williams sisters play for the championship.
Today's date is 9/02/10, which coincides with the California zip code that became part of the title of a popular television show, "Beverly Hills 90210." Anyone who did anything today, therefore, owes royalty payments to Aaron Spelling.
And finally, yesterday Apple held a live webcast of their press conference to announce new versions of the iPod Shuffle, the iPod Nano, and the iPod Touch. Today Apple CEO Steve Jobs revealed that the press conference never took place, and that the entire thing had been a holographic sensory-attuned memory implanted into our brains by our current iPods. Next year, Jobs said, the company plans to use this technology to make us believe that we are all mindless sheep who do whatever we're told to do by Steve Jobs.
